Months of Meditation: Reflections of a Flexible Mind

“Hold your legs straight up to the sky, your feet flat as if you are holding a drink on them!” The yoga teacher zig-zagged between mats. My legs quaked and whatever metaphorical drink being held is spilling all over me. It is my 22nd birthday and I am in an 8 am yoga class on a rainy Sunday morning.  My best friend, who is a yoga teacher, is next to me holding her metaphorical drink up high in one of those sexy martini glasses that look like they break easily. Dammit, this is hard. 

 Typically, I go to yoga class alone...or just tune into a YouTube video, but this was a special occasion.  I wanted to reset myself for the week and set my intentions for my next year of life. A little corny, but I wanted to set myself for mindful success. I also truly enjoy yoga and had not been practicing as frequently. After not going to a yoga class since July, I found the physical aspects of this birthday class difficult. It was a fast-moving flow class, and I really struggled to keep up. My tree poses wavered, my sun salutations were cloudy, but my mind hadn’t wandered as much as it had in the past. 

Midway through 2019, I found myself more out of sorts than usual. I was preparing to graduate university, find a job and move out on my own.  To say the least, it was stressful. In an effort to counter my worried mind, I began regularly meditating. Saving 20 minutes a day to just reflect really shook up my world- in a good way. My mind became clearer and even though I was still anxious, I was able to identify the root of my anxiety. 

I pleasantly surprised myself during my birthday yoga savasana. My brain was positively curious and imaginative.  Usually, it roams to my fears, but this time it didn’t. Even my toes were still. During savasana, I usually cannot keep my toes still because I hate when they touch each other- a weird pet peeve. I felt the joy radiating from my inner being, warming up my soul on that rainy, icky day. 

The physical difficulties of the class, in a sense, further affirmed my goals of where I want to be in a year and showed me where I want to grow. I think that was the main reason I went to this class: to show myself growth and potential. Yoga is hard for me. I don’t have the most flexible body or mind at times, but it reminds me of what I can do and what I am looking to accomplish. And that has been a huge tenant for me in my self-care and wellness journey.  I need to remember to look backward and forward to really be the best human I can be.