And They Lived Happily Never After: How to Throw a Mock Wedding in 3 Weeks
Originally posted on https://fupaper.blog/
My mom used to sell weddings way back in the day and she always said brides can be a real pain in the ass. My experiences working with brides and grooms in a bakery only reinforced this idea when they come in saying the cake needed to be this shade of white not that one. I really never understood why Bridezillas existed — planning a wedding couldn’t be that hard. It was just like figuring any other party out. You had to find something to wear and you had to feed people. Not that hard. I could do it with my eyes closed.
Then I decided to host my own mock wedding, and I discovered that I was very, very, VERY wrong. Wedding planning is tough and I give major props to all of the brides, grooms, and planners out there who do it for real.
Let me backtrack a little bit to how this idea that blasphemes a major sacrament came to me. I was sitting in my kitchen one night with my good pal, Daron, and I was talking about how much I loved Bluegrass music, and I said I was going to have a banjo band at my wedding one day. Daron said, “just do it at your wedding this summer” as a joke and bam, it hit me. Why wait to find the one? I could have a fake wedding with all of the fun and none of the hassle now!
Then, I had another great idea: why not just marry Kevin?! In case you don’t know the incredible Kevin, he is a Fordham celebrity featured in my Facebook photo album, My Best Friend. Kevin. I will never be able to actually marry Kevin so we might as well mock marry.
Whenever I told anyone about my plans, the question always was, “what even is a mock wedding?” The answer was simple: it’s like mock trial or Model UN, but with a wedding. It is meant to be fun and goofy. I am lucky enough to have had an incredible mock fiancé who had the same vision.
Something borrowed, something new
So this idea is not all original. Plenty of university students all over the country celebrate mock weddings, normally in the spring semester at a rowdy party featuring kegs and sticky beer everywhere (yes, Fordham does this too). Two graduating seniors are chosen to be “married” and everyone then darties until the alcohol dries up or the bride pukes herself.
I did not want my mock wedding to be a drunken affair hosted in a sandpit. Everyone was to wear gothic floral and be nice and polite while I “married” my best friend.
Planning for this party was super ridiculous. I had to find all of this random stuff to decorate with and I absolutely wanted to spend as little money as possible to get the gothic floral look. I got food — all vegetarian because #sustainable and #Ilovemushrooms — and cake, and all of this random wedding-y stuff because way too many people actually decided to come. Like, 20 people came to this mock marriage party and I only expected 3. It made me appreciate all of the tiny details I have seen at my cousins’ weddings over the years. All of those ridiculous themes weddings can be really intricate. My mock theme was no exception. Gothic floral isn’t really a thing so finding stuff was no easy task.
When July 8th finally rolled around, I was a legitimate mess. There were people all over the place, I had tried on my fake wedding dress from H&M only once and my hair was a mess. Christmas lights were thrown up on the fence, a makeshift altar was set up, and crappy vows were written. I was walked down the aisle by my best friend Brendan to a Britney Spears song. My friend Cleo was the worst officiant ever, but she joined me and Kevin in a blissful and short-lived union. After the ceremony, we danced and ate, and played the classic wedding game of Mafia, and then fell asleep all over my house.
I was super nervous that people would not have fun, but it turns out everyone had a grand time. Everything came together rather well and the wedding went as smoothly as it possibly could have. Honestly, all of the work was worth it. I don’t know if I would have a mock wedding again; I think I’ll save my energy for if I actually get married one day. I do have to say that getting mock married was certainly worth the pictures. If anyone is considering getting mock married to someone, do it, because your event will automatically be the most Instagrammable event of the year.
